WHY I COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT DEATH ON MY HONEYMOON

Probably because I was reading the the latest Hunger Games book.

*Spoilers ahead.*

I just spent a week on the Oregon Coast in the most beautiful home, with a bed overlooking a panoramic view of the ocean. My husband and I woke up to birds chirping, waves crashing, and the morning sun streaming through the windows. It was pure bliss—except for the one part where death was the main theme running through my brain the entire week. I was having a full-on Barbie moment—dancing and living carefree then suddenly yelling, “Do you guys ever think about dying?!”

I was reading the fifth book in the Hunger Games series—Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins—and obviously, this book would trigger thoughts about death since the whole series is literally about sending children into an enclosure to kill each other. Because who doesn’t want a little light-hearted reading on their honeymoon?

This book is a prequel to the original three and a second prequel in addition to The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, which focuses on President Snow’s story. Sunrise on the Reaping features the iconic Haymitch Abernathy, the only living District 12 victor who was introduced in the original series, known for being an unpredictable drunk.

Sunrise on the Reaping follows his games: how he got chosen, his family, his version of rebellion, his lost love. Spoiler alert—they all die at the hands of President Snow. So basically, it’s the perfect beach read if you want to cry and question the point of trying to be happy.

You might be wondering why this is the book I decided to read during what is known as the most romantic week of people’s lives. Well, when I was analyzing what type of book I wanted to read and really thinking it through... of course, I didn’t do this. It’s honestly just the book I bought a few weeks earlier and grabbed off my bookshelf before walking out the door.

I assumed Sunrise on the Reaping would be similar to the previous books which, while filled with loss and sadness, maintained a consistent thread of uplifting moments or an underlying sense of hope that things would eventually get better. Not in this prequel. Nope. It's like they took hope and blended it with the poisonous fruit Lochlan Ratliff used to make a smoothie in season 3 of The White Lotus.

Sunrise on the Reaping was dark. Filled with despair. And the only “silver lining”—if you want to call it that—was in the epilogue, when Haymitch vaguely mentions how Katniss and Peeta are his family now and how “she’s the one who finally kept that sun from rising.”

Had I known that nearly everyone Haymitch loves dies—or if they don’t die, he has to cut them out of his life so Snow doesn’t kill them—I probably wouldn’t have spent my honeymoon week reading that.

Yet, I did. And as I looked lovingly into my new husband's eyes, all I could think about was the love of Haymitch's life dying. While I gazed out at the ocean, I thought about how beautiful it is, and in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think of the streams in The Hunger Games—so stunning they seemed unreal, yet were poisonous. I was equal parts in a dream vacation and thinking “please don’t die” the entire week.

Dark, yes. I’m probably (definitely) a morbid cynic for this. Yet, I still managed to have a heavenly honeymoon—when I wasn’t thinking about death, and sometimes even while I was.